Because I Said So: Sure, moms do a lot, but we can't do it by ourselves

Published August 25, 2011 in the Commercial Appeal

On Sunday, I took my boys to see the new movie "Spy Kids -- All the Time in the World in 4D." (The 4D ended up being a scratch-and-sniff postcard with eight numbers on it. When a number flashed on the screen, you scratched off the number and smelled it. I'm pretty sure it was a hoax, because I couldn't discern one smell from another.)

Sometimes I am excited about seeing the same movies as the kids, and sometimes I'm not. I went into this one with very low expectations, and was immediately disgusted by the opening scene. A very pregnant Jessica Alba is seen battling numerous bad guys. If being pregnant weren't enough, she also had to go into labor.

Please.

We learn that she retires after having the baby. However, later she is pulled back into the action. This time, she does most of her fighting wearing her now 1-year-old baby in a front-facing baby carrier.

Seriously.

I'm pretty sure the creators of this movie were trying to promote a positive image of today's moms "doing it all." I now understood why one of the preview trailers was for Sarah Jessica Parker's newest movie, "I Don't Know How She Does It" -- a comedy centered on the life of Kate Reddy, a finance executive who is the breadwinner for her husband and two kids. Clearly, they were appealing to the dutiful moms who agreed to spend an hour and a half scratch-and-sniffing simulated dirty diapers in the dark out of love for their children.

And now I see why they also previewed "The Iron Lady," which is about Margaret Thatcher, Great Britain's first female prime minister. (A dad next to me joked, "Children love Margaret Thatcher.")

This business of "women doing it all" has never looked more ridiculous than it does in "Spy Kids 4." I do a lot, but I certainly don't do it all. I really don't like the assumption that I should, because I can't -- at least not all of the time. It's too exhausting.

Jessica Alba's husband, Wilbur, was a little clueless, so her only help was her two stepkids and a witty, multifunctional robotic dog. I also need, and thankfully receive, a lot of help.

My husband, who is definitely not clueless, handles most of the afternoon shuttling required to get the children to and from school, tae kwon do, and now soccer. He also does the bulk of the yard work, goes grocery shopping and cooks most of our meals, among many, many other things that I probably fail to notice or fully appreciate.

My mom calls to check on me almost daily, and graciously lets the kids spend the night at her house so my husband and I can occasionally have a moment to ourselves.

I have friends who get up before the crack of dawn to go running or swimming or to yoga with me, so I can't talk myself out of it. (They also encourage me to go out to lunch and enjoy a drink every once in awhile. And that's really just the tip of the iceberg.)

I am grateful for all of the many wonderful people in my life, but if I had all of the time in the world, as the movie promises, I would definitely try to squeeze in a little more sleep.

Because I Said So: Xbox games too much, too soon for 9-year-old

Published August 11, 2011 in the Commercial Appeal

When my kids want something, I usually do my best to give it to them. Of course, I do try to have them "earn" it in some way -- typically through chores, yard work, good behavior, etc. When they really want something, they usually do a good job of earning it.

Their wants are predictable -- toys and video games. Over the summer, we found ourselves inside Game Stop on numerous occasions. One of the employees actually took to calling me "Mom." As in, "Hey, Mom, how did those games work out?"

In June, the boys (ages 7 and 9) started a serious campaign to get an Xbox. Since we already have a Wii and Nintendo 3DSes, I couldn't understand why they needed another gaming system.

"Xbox has different games!" I was told over and over. They were tired of all of their Wii and DS games, or they had beaten them, I was told.

I agreed to let them round up all of the games they no longer wanted and trade them in for a used Xbox. They were thrilled. My husband was not. He understood how the Xbox games were different -- they generally involve a lot of guns. At the store, the friendly clerks did mention that the games the boys selected to go along with their Xbox were rated "Mature." The boys had looked up at me with big eyes and said, "David has this game!" and "Sam has that game!"

Yes, sadly, the "everybody is doing it" argument worked on me. The boys were so happy -- especially my oldest. (The younger one mostly watched him play.) While we were on vacation, my oldest actually told me that he was "Xbox sick," meaning he missed his Xbox. In the absence of the games he loved, he watched YouTube videos on his iPod about how to beat them. I thought that was smart.

But I also knew that there was a problem. I've seen older kids get obsessed, even "addicted" to these types of games. When we got back from vacation, my oldest didn't want to do anything but play Xbox. I had to force him to come to the movies, read a book, and even go outside to ride his bike.

My husband, who had resigned himself to letting me learn the hard way, basically gave me his very best, "I told you so." I hate it when he's (always) right!

That Saturday morning at 6 a.m. when my oldest woke me up to ask if he could play Xbox, I met him in the living room. As lovingly as possible, I told him that I had made a mistake, and that I never should have let him get the mature games. I told him that I loved him too much to see him waste his childhood obsessing over "first-person shooter" games. We talked about the ratings, and he seemed to understand why I had to take them away. He was very sad and even cried a little. I felt sorry for him, but we both knew it was the right thing to do.

Life without the Xbox games has been good, and I've been impressed with how my oldest managed his disappointment, and quickly found a new, age-appropriate interest. Occasionally, though, he'll grin and ask if he can play the 15-year-old-rated games when he's 13, or how many days it is until his 18th birthday.

Kids' busy schedule of camps makes Mom jealous

Published July 28, 2011 in the Commercial Appeal

I'm a little jealous of my kids' summer schedule.

In the past, they've done the summer program at their school. But now that they are 7 and 9, I wanted to give them the opportunity to try new things in new places with new people, and -- if I was lucky -- have them come away with a new appreciation of what they already have.

I anticipated a lot of morning struggles, so I started them off at a small art camp at the Garden Path Studio. When we arrived the first day and they discovered they knew some of the other campers from tae kwon do and Memphis Rock-n-Romp, I could see them instantly relax. They had a great time making pottery, rubber stamps, drawings and even (sanctioned) "graffiti" on the outside wall of the studio.

Despite their successful first week, there was lots of moaning and groaning about "All Sports Camp" at Grace-St. Luke's. When I explained that "all sports" included field trips to Putt-Putt, the bowling alley and the skating rink, they perked up. In no time, they were making new friends, fitting right in and learning some new games...(Read more).

Operation Thrill Points revs up long summer trip

Published July 14, 2011 in the Commercial Appeal

Before leaving for our 21/2 -week road trip to Massachusetts and back, I took my 7-year-old son to see "Judy Moody and the Not Bummer Summer" at his request.

I've officially gotten to the point where I absolutely cannot stay awake in the theater, but I did manage to catch the gist of the movie. Judy cleverly devised a system for her and her friends to collect "thrill points" over the summer in order to make it more exciting.

As we piled into the car for our trip, I talked to both of the boys about accumulating their own thrill points on our trip. I had my youngest at hello, but my 9-year-old was cautiously inquisitive.

"What do you mean?" he asked. "Well, remember last summer when you jumped off the cliff into Dinky Creek with Daddy? I'd say that was worth at least 20 thrill points," I replied...(Read more).

Vacation followed wherever road took us

Published June 30, 2011 in the Commercial Appeal

About a week ago, we set out on our annual cross-country road trip. Rather than head West to visit family as we usually do, we went East to visit friends.

Our first destination was Northampton, Mass., where our friends Liz and Vanessa live with their 6-year-old son and 2-year-old daughter. It's about a 1,300 -mile drive, so we figured our ascent would take about three days. We didn't have any real stops in mind; we just decided to see where the road led us.

We lead such busy, over-scheduled lives that just packing up and hitting the road feels like a real escape for us. Our boys -- ages 7 and 9 -- like the adventure a road trip brings as well. We hit the road for a month with our oldest when he was just 3 months old.

We left Memphis around 9:30 a.m. and spent the entirety of Day 1 crossing Tennessee. We stopped for lunch at a trendy burger joint in Nashville called Burger Up because of its proximity to Las Paletas, a mecca for homemade ice pop fans. Fortified, we kept going until we didn't want to go anymore...(Read more).

Beloved cat passes on, critters can take a breath

Published June 2, 2011 in the Commercial Appeal

"Where's Olive?" My husband asks me this question at least five times a day. Olive is our cat -- my cat actually. She adopted me in the fall of 1996 after I returned from the Peace Corps. I lived in an old house on Goodbar with a friend, and Olive came with the house. She was originally named Oliver -- after the orphan -- but by springtime she was pregnant, and we realized she needed a new name.

Olive always came and went as she pleased. She knew how to get into the house through the basement and the attic. We often woke up to birds flying through the house -- gifts she'd brought us in the night. And she once famously brought in a beheaded squirrel during the middle of a cocktail party we were hosting.

Olive could take care of herself. However, once Warren and I got married, and we moved to a different house, he felt that it was his duty to keep tabs on her. He outfitted her with a bell to reduce the number of critters she brought home, and he made sure she came inside each night. Despite her wild ways, Olive was a lover, not a fighter -- ask anyone who ever set foot in our house. Olive would make her way into a guest's lap in less than a minute...(Read more).

Don't forget etiquette on phone: Kids are listening

Published May 19, 2011 in the Commercial Appeal

My 9-year-old has been playing a computer game that "requires" him to simultaneously talk on speaker phone with his friend who is at his house playing the same game and talking on his speaker phone.

It kind of reminds me of when my dad used to play online bridge in his boxer shorts at all hours of the night in the late '90s. He stopped every few minutes to call his online partner, wherever he was, and yell at him over the phone. (The reason he turned to online bridge was because he'd been suspended from the local bridge club for yelling at his in-person partner too many times.)

So far, my son appears to have a much calmer demeanor than his grandfather -- as long as his little brother is nowhere near. While playing the game, Satchel offers helpful advice to his friend, Theo. They team up and help each other out. It's cute -- in small doses...(Read more).

Preparation helps kids weather flood fright

Published May 5, 2011 in the Commercial Appeal

I'm not one to panic, but over the weekend, as the waters of the Mississippi rose, so did my stress level. Had my husband -- a former forest ranger, Peace Corps volunteer, and all-around Renaissance man -- been in town, I probably wouldn't have quietly packed "go bags" while the kids watched TV.

I've looked at the maps and can rest assured that my house is not in any immediate danger, but I still worry about friends and family. The county sent out a warning asking every resident of Shelby County to pack a "go bag" just in case, so I did. I felt a little silly, much as I do when we take cover in the tornado closet, but it eased my nerves to feel as though I was preparing myself. I packed three days' worth of clothes and nonperishable food, toiletries, flashlights, water and pet supplies.

When my husband arrived home on Sunday night and saw the bags I packed, he panicked a little, too, but for a different reason. "I thought you were leaving me," he said. Once assured that I had no intention of that, he joked that I should have packed some alcohol instead of a half-empty jar of peanut butter...(Read more).

Connected bike lanes right kind of change

Published April 21, 2011 in the Commercial Appeal

Last Sunday afternoon, I decided to take my young sons to Shelby Farms Park for the Down to Earth celebration. We also wanted to revisit the Woodland Discovery Playground and finally do the paddle boats on Patriot Lake.

Unfortunately, we were met with crazy backed-up traffic on Walnut Grove, and we could see from the road how crowded it was in the park. I was simultaneously thrilled at the turnout, and disappointed that we wouldn't be joining in on the fun. I also found it somewhat ironic that our Earth Day celebration was derailed by a traffic jam.

Obviously, we were in a car, so we were part of the problem. My youngest son usually hitches a ride on the back of my husband's bike when we do long rides, so minus my husband (who was busy studying) I didn't think it would be feasible for us all to ride out there on our bikes -- at least not there and back. And as awesome as the Shelby Farms Greenline is, there are plenty of neighborhoods it doesn't connect to, so a lot of families had no choice but to drive to the park...(Read more).

Woodland playground gets family thumbs-up

Published April 7, 2011 in the Commercial Appeal

Thanks to the Greenline, Shelby Farms Park has gone from being a place we rarely visited to being a part of our everyday lives.

My 8-year-old can ride his bike with us all the way from our house in Midtown to the park and back. We've spoiled our 6-year-old with the hitch-hiker attachment that allows him to ride on the back of his dad's bike, but this year it's his goal to make it to the park and back on his own. Now that the new Woodland Discovery Playground is opening in the Plough Park area of Shelby Farms, he is even more motivated to get there.

We visited the playground on Tuesday afternoon during the members-only sneak preview. It is fabulous, and it exceeded every one of my high expectations. I am so happy that my boys are still young enough to enjoy it. (Honestly, after watching them play for a bit, I thought that a parents' night at the playground might be in order.)...(Read more).

Don't mind yardwork: That's what sons are for

Published March 24, 2011 in the Commercial Appeal

When we purchased our house four years ago, our Realtor warned us that the two giant sweetgum trees in the backyard would vex us year round. At the time, our boys were 2 and 4 -- old enough to mill about while I did yard work, I thought. I loved the house, so I said, "I'll handle the gumballs."

Famous last words, right? The two trees are massive, and no doubt hundreds of years old. We live in Lea's Woods, which is adjacent to Overton Park's Old Forest. These are some serious trees. And yes, they vex us year round.

In their defense, I will say that they are gorgeous and they provide great shade in the summer. I love our summer utility bills.

But I am not a fan of the year-round sprinkling of gumballs, the massive leaf dumping, and the yearly shower of broccolini-like pollen pods. When there are storms, large sticks and branches often fall. My husband and I both have nightmares about one -- or both -- of the trees falling on the house...(Read more).

Boys getting bigger, but they're still my babies

Published March 10, 2011 in the Commercial Appeal

"Measure me!" my 8-year-old commands every evening when we pull in front of the house.

"You forgot to measure me!" he laments each morning when we pile into the car for school and work.

Six weeks shy of his 9th birthday, he has decided that he is too big for a booster seat. I've explained that the child restraint laws in Tennessee require that he be over 4-foot-9 to ride without his booster. When I finally remembered to measure him, he came in at 4-foot-6.

"Measure me!" he continues to beg each day, sure that he has grown in his sleep.

We are standing on the precipice of him not being "my baby," or being what they now call a pre-tween. Whatever it's technically called, it is way different from him being my baby...(Read more).

Weekend getaway not easy to get away with

Published February 24, 2011 in the Commercial Appeal

Last Monday morning, I casually mentioned that I was going to be out of town over the weekend. My 6-year-old, still wiping the sleep out of his eyes, said, "Can I come with you?" I told him that I was going on a girls-only trip to New Orleans.

My 8-year-old immediately wanted to know who the girls were, then clarified, "You'll be gone all weekend?" I explained that I was leaving Friday evening and coming home Monday, but that I was taking Friday off to spend time with them since they were out of school. Appeased for the moment, they got dressed and moved on to brushing teeth and eating breakfast.

My friends have been trying to get me to do a girls' weekend for months -- maybe even years. I usually have plenty of good excuses why I can't go, but after holding down the fort for six weeks while my husband worked out of town in January and February, I decided I was ready for a little break...(Read more).

Snow-day policy leaves mom questioning

Published February 9, 2011 in the Commercial Appeal

As a child, I peered outside a Memphis City School window on many days, hoping for snow. On the days that it actually did snow, we anxiously waited to see if it would stick to the streets. If it stuck, then we'd be dismissed early. I remember being sorely disappointed on many occasions when it did not stick.

What I don't remember was being let out early, only to get home and find that there was very little or no snow. I also don't remember my parents ever being annoyed by leaving work early to retrieve me and my sisters for a false alarm. But I'm the first to admit that I have a bad memory...(Read more).

Leaving kids home alone a matter of responsibility

Leaving kids home alone a matter of responsibility
Published January 27, 2011 in the Commercial Appeal

Last summer, I took my 6- and 8-year-old sons to see "E.T.: The Extra-Terrestrial" at the Orpheum. The part that stood out the most for my 8-year-old is when Elliott, who is probably about 8 himself, pretends to be sick. "His mom let him stay home by himself!" my son said in wild-eyed amazement. He was awed by the fact that he might someday get to stay home by himself. He might not even have to be sick!

At what age is it legal to leave your kids home alone in Tennessee? 12? 14? What would you guess? I was pleasantly surprised to learn that there isn't actually a law in most states. I found the following guideline for Tennessee: "There is no legal age for children to stay at home alone. Parents are advised to use their best judgment, keeping the child's maturity level and safety issues in mind." (Read more)

Hold snow: Son would trade it for taekwondo

Hold snow: Son would trade it for taekwondo
Published January 13, 2011 in the Commercial Appeal

On Sunday night, when it actually started to snow, I informed my 6- and 8-year- old sons that there was a good chance they wouldn’t have to go to school on Monday. My younger immediately broke out into his “Oh yeah, uh-huh” dance, but the older one hesitated. “If school is closed, does that mean that the taekwondo studio will be closed, too?” he asked. When I told him that it probably would, he proclaimed, “I don’t want it to snow!”

That’s blasphemy for a school-age child in Memphis, isn’t it? I was able to perk him up with promises of trekking through the frosty Old Forest, sledding at the Levitt Shell, and building snow people in the front yard. Several times throughout the day, he asked if he could put on his taekwondo uniform and sparring gear and just hang out. He even tried to convince me that his helmet would help keep him warm at the park...(Read more).

Daily time for creativity a worthwhile resolution

Daily time for creativity a worthwhile resolution
Published December 30, 2010 in the Commercial Appeal

As the year comes to a close, it is time to look back and reflect. (This is assuming that the noise level in your house allows for reflection.)

It's also time to look forward, to make plans and resolutions. Every year, I ask my boys -- ages 6 and 8 -- what their resolutions are, and I get the same response: "What's a resolution?"

Then I try and explain the concept of a resolution in a way that would make them want to have one (or more). The idea is lost on them. They are too much in the now, in the me, me, me, to imagine making any big changes.

This year, I decided to try a new tactic. Instead of making resolutions, I thought we might all embark on a Project 365...(Read more).

It's not easy controlling the kids' wish lists

It's not easy controlling the kids' wish lists
Published December 16, 2010 in the Commercial Appeal

This time of year, my children get a serious case of the "I wants." One night at dinner, my 8-year-old spent a good 10 minutes telling me about all of the changes he needed to make to his "I Want List."

"Do you know how boring it is to talk about all of the things you want?" I asked him. He nodded and continued talking.

I do my best to control the "I wants." I find that avoiding stores, especially this time of year, helps. If the children can't see all of the new and shiny things for sale, then they can't want them, right?

If it only it were that simple...(Read more)

Being good parent isn't a race -- it's a marathon

Being good parent isn't a race -- it's a marathon
Published December 2, 2010 in the Commercial Appeal

I've been running two to three times a week for a little over a year, and have participated in a number of 5Ks. Sometime over the summer, I decided to sign up for the St. Jude Memphis half-marathon that takes place on Saturday.

Upon hearing the news, my 6- and 8-year-old sons immediately started divvying up my first-place winnings. While I appreciate their vote of confidence, I have found that, much like parenting, the half-marathon isn't something I am/was completely prepared for, but I'm going for it anyway.

Becoming a mother has made me bolder than I ever thought I'd be. At the very least, it has made me fairly immune to vomit and other unpleasant bodily functions that may come into play on Saturday. (Or so I'm told!)...(Read more)

Dream of building a better block is at hand

Dream of building a better block is at hand
Published November 18, 2010 in the Commercial Appeal

My family likes to go on walks, hikes and bike rides. Places like the Greater Memphis Greenline and the riverfront make this pretty easy to do. However, going from place to place can be a challenge.

For instance, we can walk to Overton Park from our house in about 10 minutes. Five of those minutes are spent trying to cross six lanes of very heavy traffic on East Parkway near Sam Cooper. There are no crosswalks, and it can be pretty sketchy. It wasn't until my boys got older (they're 6 and 8) that I even considered crossing the street with them.

Commuting is also dangerous. My kids' school is less than a mile away, but to walk or ride bikes there, we have to cross both East Parkway and Summer. The sidewalks are broken and bumpy, and the heavy traffic makes riding bikes in the street too dangerous, especially during morning rush hour. It's scary enough when I'm with them -- I can't imagine ever allowing them to traverse those streets without me...(Read more)