Thursday, August 11, 2011

Because I Said So: Xbox games too much, too soon for 9-year-old

Published August 11, 2011 in the Commercial Appeal
When my kids want something, I usually do my best to give it to them. Of course, I do try to have them "earn" it in some way -- typically through chores, yard work, good behavior, etc. When they really want something, they usually do a good job of earning it.

Their wants are predictable -- toys and video games. Over the summer, we found ourselves inside Game Stop on numerous occasions. One of the employees actually took to calling me "Mom." As in, "Hey, Mom, how did those games work out?"

In June, the boys (ages 7 and 9) started a serious campaign to get an Xbox. Since we already have a Wii and Nintendo 3DSes, I couldn't understand why they needed another gaming system.

"Xbox has different games!" I was told over and over. They were tired of all of their Wii and DS games, or they had beaten them, I was told.

I agreed to let them round up all of the games they no longer wanted and trade them in for a used Xbox. They were thrilled. My husband was not. He understood how the Xbox games were different -- they generally involve a lot of guns. At the store, the friendly clerks did mention that the games the boys selected to go along with their Xbox were rated "Mature." The boys had looked up at me with big eyes and said, "David has this game!" and "Sam has that game!"

Yes, sadly, the "everybody is doing it" argument worked on me. The boys were so happy -- especially my oldest. (The younger one mostly watched him play.) While we were on vacation, my oldest actually told me that he was "Xbox sick," meaning he missed his Xbox. In the absence of the games he loved, he watched YouTube videos on his iPod about how to beat them. I thought that was smart.

But I also knew that there was a problem. I've seen older kids get obsessed, even "addicted" to these types of games. When we got back from vacation, my oldest didn't want to do anything but play Xbox. I had to force him to come to the movies, read a book, and even go outside to ride his bike.

My husband, who had resigned himself to letting me learn the hard way, basically gave me his very best, "I told you so." I hate it when he's (always) right!

That Saturday morning at 6 a.m. when my oldest woke me up to ask if he could play Xbox, I met him in the living room. As lovingly as possible, I told him that I had made a mistake, and that I never should have let him get the mature games. I told him that I loved him too much to see him waste his childhood obsessing over "first-person shooter" games. We talked about the ratings, and he seemed to understand why I had to take them away. He was very sad and even cried a little. I felt sorry for him, but we both knew it was the right thing to do.

Life without the Xbox games has been good, and I've been impressed with how my oldest managed his disappointment, and quickly found a new, age-appropriate interest. Occasionally, though, he'll grin and ask if he can play the 15-year-old-rated games when he's 13, or how many days it is until his 18th birthday.

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